To Stephen

Two years ago my nephew Stephen passed away.

I always regretted not expressing my thoughts about my nephew at his funeral.  The truth is that I wrote most of these words the day before we buried my nephew.  For some stupid reason I felt unqualified to give any remarks at Stephen’s funeral given the fact that those who did speak seemed to know my nephew far better than I did.

On the surface it would be reasonable to assume that we were not very close. 

I did not see him all too often
If you asked me who he worked for and for how long and what his previous jobs were….I couldn’t tell you.

If you asked me what his favorite food was…I would say “beats me”.

If you asked me what his favorite color was, I would just shrug.

I really did not know him but we knew each other’s souls. An undeniable connection that I still feel to this day.

Our conversations were amazing. They ranged from family gossip to psychology to the usual small talk.  We listened to each other. He laughed at my jokes. 

He would do anything for me.

When I would visit my sister he always had for me “pot

At functions which we both attended  he always escorted me outside away from people if he felt (and he of course was right) that I was too messed up to deal. 

when I wanted him to go on a fishing boat with my home friends he was there.  Stephen showed me how to avoid getting sea sick and it was quite amusing watching my friends puke their guts out while Stephen and I kept it all together.

I told Stephen that he had to meet me in North Carolina so as to surprise my dad/his grandfather. without any pushback Stephen ignored his distaste for flying and together we had an amazing weekend.  The thing is that I said very little that weekend. Rather I spent most of my time observing Stephen with his grandfather.  At that time my Dad was beginning to suffer from dementia.  With Stephen there, my dad opened up in ways that I had rarely seen and the joy he gave my dad was amazing.

I spoke with Stephen a few months before he passed.  It was among the best conversations I ever had with him. He mentioned to me at that time that he wanted us to go to a dead show together. We never got there. But, on July 2 2022, At a Dead Show in Mass., I saw I saw the best version of St. Stephen to date.  He was right there with me. 

.